Before Iraq, Colbert Gets Some Basic Training

Colbert is no pampered pundit, no sirree Private Pyle. He spent a grueling ten hours learning the basics. What we can gather from his rough-and-tumble experience is this: If an enemy attacks, try to shoot the knife at the end of the rifle at them. Or, start doing pushups? We're guessing this will lead to a non-violent Battle of the Network Stars type of resolution.

In part two, we will finally learn if Colbert can indeed suck a golf ball through a garden hose.