The Obamas Should Totally Adopt Triumph

Dear Mr. President-elect Obama,

It's as clear as the balls on a tall dog (but not Conan's ugly mutt) that the canine the White House needs is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Not only will he behave himself by only humping Sasha and Malia's stuffed animals while they're away at school, but he can also roast Vlad Putin and Angela Merkel at state dinners in a much more ribald fashion that Presidential decorum allows. He's a lot more fun than that damned Barney at least.