It was on Oprah...sort of. 

Palin's a quitter who loves unprotected sex. 

Huh. Maybe she is a real American after all. 

This would be a good time to make a joke about Zach Galifianakis' interview with these guys being slightly less awkward than their work thus far on The Tonight Show. That would be too easy though.

The thing is, we have no idea if Conan's joking. 

Kristen Stewart appeared on the Tonight Show to talk about New Moon and Twilight in general, but she also had a much more important mission in mind: to run her fingers through Conan's hair.

Joke all you want, but the way things get muddied, it'll probably be the year 3000 before we get this healthcare thing done. 

On his 100th episode...

The way its been going, father knows best. Celebrate today, because tomorrow...

Let's just focus on celebrating today like Pops did when Conan moved out. Now, where'd the wife go?

Last week, Conan O'Brien had William Shatner do a dramatic reading of Levi Johnston's Twitter posts. As it turns out, said posts were made by an impostor. Conan decided to make amends by having Shatner read some real Twitter...

Wing Pang is the IT dude Conan met a few months back. He's nuttier than squirrel turds, but he's a hell of a good time. Sometimes you feel like a Wing-nut, sometimes you don't. 

Wait, that gives us Pangs of guilt. 

We always...

Bobbing up and down in a thick fog during long hours at sea...

Who needs the government to make it official?

Time to make some chowdah. Mmmm...creamy. 

We paid some guy $25 to borrow his kid for two hours of trick-or-treating where we split the loot 60-40%. So, yes we'd like to sport a leftover Halloween candy jacket. 

The men are adept at watering things with their hoses and the women tend to be able to bend themselves into awkward hard-to-reach positions.

Anybody need a gardener or a tunnel sweeper?

How about a new game show, Humping for...

What happens when a 10,000 lb. monster truck known as the Grave Digger unleashes hell on a 1,600 lb. gourd? Filling.

Billy Corgan can eat his heart out.

Smashing Pumpkins indeed.

Not because he's scared of them, but because it breaks his tender little heart when they get Conan's coffee. 

In other words, could someone volunteer to drive a stake through the heart of this vampire craze...

At the D.O.G. boutique in West Hollywood, pooch owners "spend lavishly on their child substitutes" causing Triumph to hope "the recession gets worse." D.O.G. has everything a gay canine would never need like designer poop...

It was a lot more fun when they were fueding.We enjoyed when Booker went after the weakest gazelle. It was Conan's first big momentum-builder as Tonight Show host and he needs to keep it going.

Hey, Big Red! Denver's mayor is...