The Onion reports about Close Range, a new video game that is all about shooting people in the face point-blank (or, if you prefer, the ear or the eye). The story is riveting and packed with the quality gravel-voiced acting...

In today's dog-eat-dog world, sometimes we need to be picked up by a story about defiance and denial in the face of truth. Today, we have such a story through Peter, who decided that the best cure for liver cancer is to...

Half-witted taste-makers have labeled Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama as "elitist." It's an attack the McCain camp has seconded.  The side effect of this label, however, is that it shows us just how far African-...

Amid boiling public unease over the Iraq War, the White House wants you to know that everything in neighboring Iraf is just dandy. And let's face it, a country with a hour each day devoted to either fudge ice cream or...

From the Onion News Network's O-SPAN comes another exciting installment of the National Lost and Found registry's rundown of misplaced items. Let's see, here's a purse within a purse, keys galore, and somewhere there's a...

Multiple stab wounds may be harmful to your health, according to a recent medical study presented by the Onion News Network. The expose details how more than 3,000 monkeys were stabbed in order to test the effects on life...