Girlfriends across the USA have the perfect plan to help jump-start the economy: moving in with their boyfriends. Arguments for the plan include, "It just makes sense" and "We can host theme parties!" Critics counter with, "I'

The Onion News Network reports that Liberty, the floppy-eared defender of democracy, has gone to heaven after meeting his end in Iraq. Liberty was attempting to cheer up shaken troops with a cartwheel, when he triggered a...

Can you spell "Forensics?" Didn't think so. Spelling complicated words can only be done through the foggy genius of a savant like little James, who enjoys sports and video games when he's not studying his spelling for an hour...

Nothing says California quite like the annual wildfires.  Californians celebrated the 2008 season by setting their own homes on fire, and competing with their neighbors to see whose house would go up the quickest.  With such...

Filling time on a 24-hour headline network is hard. So when news is slow, esteemed organizations like the Onion News Network follow this simple formula: create pulsating 3-D animated graphics, find an animated graphics expert...

Panelists on the Onion News Network's "In the Know" show discuss recent decisions made by President Executron and the Robot Congress, and how the robot regime may be getting a bit too restrictive with those of us made of...

According to a new Amnesty International study, America ranks far below most other countries in the skills of its child soldiers, particularly when compared to those of many anarchic, war-torn African nations. But it's not...

The Dixie Chicks ain't got nothin' on these folks. The Onion News Network gave us the inside story on "Go Ahead, Bomb New York," the inspiring musical creation of country stars Wayne McMurtry and Tanya Bertram that delivered...

According to Brian Scott's latest report from The Onion News Network, the nation's poor -- unfettered by material possessions -- are the only ones who get to experience the true meaning of Christmas. Sadly, the wealthiest...

One of the best developments in web humor this year was the emergence of The Onion's video channel, which brought the same taboo-smashing humor that we love in their print edition. Here's a perfect example: In a video that...

In a new poll released today, 26% of Americans see Mitt Romney as the candidate they'd most like to get into a bar fight with. Increasingly, it's likability issues that are seen as more important than real policies. In a...

This morning on ONN's Today Now!, a fat boy from Virginia discovers he can avoid ridicule from other children at the community pool by -- get this -- swimming with his tee shirt on! This ingenious innovation in fat-concealing...

The Onion News Network's "In the Know" asks the all-too important question: how aware are the people of Darfur of all the awareness we're raising for them? Matt Damon's a very busy guy, after all. They could at least send us...

In a new tell-all book, we learn the shocking truth that pro wrestling fans aren't fans at all, but paid, choreographed professionals. ONN anchor Robert Braun interviews the author of the shocking new release.

Great news today from the Onion News Network: recent findings show that domestic abuse rates have dropped to 0. Turns out it was all just a chain of big misunderstandings and ill-placed doorknobs. Really, we swear. Now if...