Girlfriends across the USA have the perfect plan to help jump-start the economy: moving in with their boyfriends. Arguments for the plan include, "It just makes sense" and "We can host theme parties!" Critics counter with, "I'

Can you spell "Forensics?" Didn't think so. Spelling complicated words can only be done through the foggy genius of a savant like little James, who enjoys sports and video games when he's not studying his spelling for an hour...

The US Treasury Department has issued a recall of America's dollars. All of them. Put your money in the Looney Tunes-style dollar sacks provided, and drop them in your mailbox. Otherwise, you will be afflicted with ink...

The Onion reports about Close Range, a new video game that is all about shooting people in the face point-blank (or, if you prefer, the ear or the eye). The story is riveting and packed with the quality gravel-voiced acting...

In today's dog-eat-dog world, sometimes we need to be picked up by a story about defiance and denial in the face of truth. Today, we have such a story through Peter, who decided that the best cure for liver cancer is to...

Sony's latest nondescript black box goes on top of your television and prompts a string of profanity as you uselessly struggle with it. Sony hopes this "time vampire" will leave families across America screaming in pain and...

Well, they've finally done it. Satirical geniuses The Onion have surely sent our nation head-on into a war with a budding superpower. And to think that all it took was a cleverly articulated plot that claimed the Chinese were...

The always-accurate Onion News Network takes an in-depth look at a Domino's study that monitored exactly how eager people are to abuse their guts. Putting one pizza upside-down on top of another indeed creates an abomination...

In a shocking news development, the White House announced that a World War II-era internment camp holding Japanese-American citizens was recently discovered to be still in the existence, and fully operational, filled with...

Yeah, it sounds almost like an urban legend, but way back in 2003, long before the Onion started bringing its patented blend of wryly absurd fake news clips to the web, the comedy collective was at work on a straight-to-DVD...

There's a reason Tracy Gill of the Onion News Network's "Today Now!" is yawning this morning. She was in Los Angeles last night presenting an award at the "Strong Women in Television" awards! Among the many strong, positive,...

It's a time-honored holiday tradition: spending time with loved ones in one of America's hundreds of jam-packed airports. So roll up your jacket, find a warm spot on the floor, and enjoy the love!

In this special clip, the Onion News Network gives some of our troops in Iraq the opportunity to send messages home to their loved ones. The dispatches are poignant, honest, brutally unflinching... Just please remember that...

Finally, the Onion introduces us to some doing real good on this planet. "God's Hands," a Colorado-based Christian group is working to help Africans suffering from the devastating effects of famine... so long as they don't...