They do share that sordid past...

By the way, our contribution to the "Top Ten Surprises in the Sarah Palin Book" would be:

#1a.) She quit writing it halfway through, last 172 pages blank. 

Last Saturday, the New York Times raised some eyebrows with its frontpage story about how many times the word "douche" has been uttered on network TV this fall. 

76 if you're keeping score. 

Just go ahead and make the joke...

That's 234 years of kicking ass, taking names and being the best that America's got. (No, we don't necessarily feel that way about all the armed forces.)

The Marines came to be in 1775 because we needed some tough mofos to...

At this point I just want to give a shout-out to all my science teachers from days goneby: Sister Delores Erman, Jeff Hooker, Richard Stiff and the earth science professor at Marquette whose name I forgot. 

You made me what I...

Bill, fresh off his badgering George Clooney in Fantastic Mr. Fox, has taken up reading once again. 

And dressing like a gay French neer-do-well! 

The holidays have come early this year, kids! 

Congratulations, 2009 World Series Champions New York Yankees. 

See, we can be decent human beings after all----ARRRARRRRARRARGGAHHAHHABBAJBAJ!!!

Bad Karma. 

Damn Phillie Phanatic. You never should have swindled the money of your fellow mascots in a Ponzi scheme. 

Have you and your furry green body no shame?

Newly minted New York City superstar Meb Keflezighi brushed off those who say he isn't truly "one of us" (and neither are we, haters) to make a pit stop at Dave's house. He delivers the "Top Ten Thoughts That Go Through Your...

By inviting reticent hipster beardy McDouche Joaquin Phoenix into his house.

That's not true, this kid is much more likable. And coherent.

Not as likable as Ted Williams frozen head in a tunafish can, but you know... Let's...

We love Tom Hanks. We love David Letterman.

It seems a bit odd though that Hanks, the 21st-century Jimmy Stewart, has shown up twice on the Late Show since Dave's affairs with underlings came to light.

Not passing judgement;...

For those of you who don't know your late night history, Jack Parr was the host of the Tonight Show from 1957-62 when it was still based in New York. He famously got into hot aqua for interviewing Fidel Castro, who is,...

We've been so wrapped up in Dave's personal trials and tribulations that we've forgotten to kick back and enjoy him for what he does best, be a funny motherf*cker night in and night out. 

Plus, when things get slow, we can...