We hear you loud and clear, little bookworms. 

We'd much rather drive a sword into our hearts and jump into a volcano filled with sharks than read Palin's memoir too. 

There's only one way to settle this, on the field. And by field, of course, we mean a urine-filled parking lot thick with homophobic cracks, drunken wrestling, tramp stamps, x-rated language, and enough beer to drown the I-95...

By "it," we mean journalistic credibility, and by "there" we mean 1996.

What do you expect from a news network populated entirely by people who enjoy intercourse with goats?

Your dirty secret is safe with us, Soledad O'Brien.

C'mon G20 Summit protesters, get your anarchist act together. Pick a message and stick with it! Globalism, capitalism, swine flu, vaccinations, 9-11 was an inside job, Save Darfur...It's all white noise. People can't...

Weed? Slave-whipping Wii games? Naps? John Oliver's penis?

We wouldn't think any of these things would be a distraction in The Daily Show offices. That would imply the correspondents are at work.

Please, we're begging you....

Single-payer death panel? Universal death panels? Privately funded death panels? Hybrid public-private death panels? Shamanistic Kenyan voodoo curses on demand?

We think the hollow punditry "discussions" about the hugely...

Oddly enough, in the debate over whether humans came from chimpanzees or orangutans, the guy who knows the most, looks the least evolved.

Don't ask John Oliver about it, though, he's up in some hairy armpits finding out what...

In bad times, writers are sometimes needed to put forth metaphors that give us all a grounding and an understanding of how and why horrible things happen.  

Other times, Timothy Geithner, a guy who was a major cog in the...

Single payer Canada-style? Nope. They perform surgery at the post office.

Doctors as government employees a la England? Uh-uh. They think the heart is shaped like the one doodled on pre-teen notebooks, and think a man's...

See you in 2159, Bernie!

As for the rest of you Madoff associates, your days are numbered as well.

Take John Oliver's advice, start working on your handjob technique.

Stewart & Co. were off this week, but they left behind a little web video to tide us over.

So, how would the cast survive a total economic and soclai collapse?

By either doing what they do now, nothing. (And getting paid for...

It's Santa Claus vs. the Science Teacher!

Many eggheads would have you believe that the Hadron Collider is going to be a major breakthrough in understanding the physics that make our universe work. Some other dude says it's a...