Bad Karma. 

Damn Phillie Phanatic. You never should have swindled the money of your fellow mascots in a Ponzi scheme. 

Have you and your furry green body no shame?

By inviting reticent hipster beardy McDouche Joaquin Phoenix into his house.

That's not true, this kid is much more likable. And coherent.

Not as likable as Ted Williams frozen head in a tunafish can, but you know... Let's...

We love Tom Hanks. We love David Letterman.

It seems a bit odd though that Hanks, the 21st-century Jimmy Stewart, has shown up twice on the Late Show since Dave's affairs with underlings came to light.

Not passing judgement;...

We've been so wrapped up in Dave's personal trials and tribulations that we've forgotten to kick back and enjoy him for what he does best, be a funny motherf*cker night in and night out. 

Plus, when things get slow, we can...

Dave apologizes to his wife, says the philandering is in the past and admits he's got his work cut out him. Dave believes you can't let the bad guys win, but he hurt a loved one in the process and for that, that he's sorry. 

When the going gets tough, the tough get joking. 

Always leave 'em laughing, Dave. Especially the ladies. 

By now, you've probably heard that CBS news producer "Joe" Halderman allegedly tried to extort $2 million from David Letterman in exchange for keeping mum on Dave's office flings (they both dated Stephanie Birkitt.) Once it...

The New York Rangers drop by the Late Show to deliver the "Top Ten Things Never Spoken Before By A Hockey Player."

Anyone out there looking for a Puck Buddy? 

Madonna has always known how to keep herself in the public eye by saying outlandish things. Sometimes she does it with a wink and a smile, other times her ego gets out way ahead of her mouth, and on not rare occasions, she...

When some empty-headed Bra, from some show we've never seen, comes on our television and tells us how white our shirts should be if we want to be cool... 

We're cool not being cool while watching the old gap-toothed goofball.

This isn't the most exciting game of man-sized Pop-a-Shot ever played, but it is significant for one reason. 

Dave's gone and swiped Larry King's look. 

First it was Barry, now it's Bubba. 

William Jefferson Clinton drops by to drop science on what it's like being married to one of the most powerful women in the world. 

Next week on Letterman's show? The ghost of William...