There's only one way to settle this, on the field. And by field, of course, we mean a urine-filled parking lot thick with homophobic cracks, drunken wrestling, tramp stamps, x-rated language, and enough beer to drown the I-95...

By explaining it doesn't really present "the news."

Of course, the liberal media is spinning that into how Barack Obama is winning the WAR AGAINST FOX NEWS!

Don't tread on Glenn Beck, though. He's a freedom fighter. This...

Just so you know, your credit card rate jumped by 27% while you enjoyed this John Hodgman clip.

No, there's nothing you can do about it except laugh.

Not the last laugh though, that jocularity is solely the domain of fat cats.

Remember when Bill Clinton left office and he was criticized for making a fortune giving speeches to foreign dignitaries? "They" said it was beneath the office to indulge in a cash grab? Well, at least Billy Boy was...

In 2001, Halloween wasn't all that scary. Acne-faced ghouls, paper mache intestines, bladeless chainsaws, silly-voiced devils...Uh-uh. Not anywhere near as frightening as say, the fiery apocalyptic end of days, or even Jon...

We love Steve Carell. 

We hate caramel apples. 

See the dilemma? 

Sweet delicious comedy? 

Complicated hard-to-eat hurt-our-teeth so-called treat?

We'll have to head down into Produce Pete's dark basement for the final...

You may recall earlier this spring when RNC head Michael Steele made it be known that the GOP is off the hizzook, nephew. The fruits of his hip-hop labor are, err were, paying off. It was called "What Up?" and it mixed the...

Senator Al Franken's first bill would eliminate the fine print in governmental contracts that prevents rape victims from suing the companies if the crime takes place on foreign soil. The no-rape-lawsuits fine print was...

Both ballers and shot-callers have been hit hard by the recession. As we learned last week, rapper Slim Thug had to make some tough choices about who gets dropped from the posse and whether to hit the strip club...for dinner.

How are race relations progressing in the post-racial age of Obama? 

White folks get to play the race card! White kids get beat up on the bus! Right on! Right on! Hey Hay Hey!

Stand together white people! Don't reneg on...

Remember the good old days when "Mo' Money" meant "Mo' Problems?" Try telling that to a proud rapper who downgraded his posse thanks to the recession. 

Cristal has become Boone's Farm, there's a 60% reduction in video hos,...

We don't want to Brazilian wax poetically on what it means for Rio to get the games, other than to say, the first South American Olympic hosts should let its lady garden flower. 

Everybody samba!

C'mon G20 Summit protesters, get your anarchist act together. Pick a message and stick with it! Globalism, capitalism, swine flu, vaccinations, 9-11 was an inside job, Save Darfur...It's all white noise. People can't...