After eight gold medals and a boatload of world records, can't we just agree that Phelps is a much bigger superhero than Aquaman? You better lock it up, Black Manta. 

Not even the glorious people's republic of China and the 400 million viewers of business news programs. Yes, the Chinese are taking over the world, but at least the Wal-Marts will have healthcare. 

Rob Riggle has taken a big bite out of China and his fortune cookie says, "You The Man!" He's seen it all, from the Dairy Queen to the KFC with chopsticks. He got in some ping pong and said the Kaddish. As for the Wall, it's...

China may be an authoritarian state, but it's got an Anus Hospital, translators/nutrubbers and a Papa John's. Awesome happy fun times for everyone, except those with their own ideas. 

Spanish dudes may have everything any man could want, but they don't have class, muchachos. As for the Chinese team, well they went pee-pee in our Coke. 

Rob Riggle is the Michael Phelps of husky fomrer Marines turned fake newscasters. You heard it here first.

Back in 1996, America's young sweetheart Strug was Riggle's super hot hottie of the week. His TV screw-up was so bad they sent him to the country of Niger. Uh-oh. 

Keep in mind, though, he's from Vancouver Canada where they give out genius grants for marijuana usage. Remember kids, dropping out of high school and getting high won't necessarily make you rich and famous. But it will make...

Only one member of the "Best Effing News Team Ever" has the balls to break out the in utero election center and get inside the story. No, not Lesley Stahl--that old bitty just keeps hanging around--it's Sam Bee and her news...

Regardless of your political bent, if the let's-pretend-we're-the-Apoclayptic-biker-on-the-weekend-Harley-crowd and the actual-show-us-your-tits-and-we'll-share-our-meth-gang represent the "heart and soul of America," this...

Sad news for fans of faux Irish pub lore and stuffed-bacon-cheese-catfish-carmel-potato-skins. Bennigan's has shut its doors nationwide. In fact, in these hard economic times, the country's great shopping center-based...

They've got a rocket, bitches! That's right, they can go into outer space up in here to fire off their AK-47! Watch your ass, CNN! These motherfu*kers will out news you and leave you nothing but a bloody stump! 

Barack's a pompous-presumptious-fancy-lettuce-eating-celebutard-can't-find-a-billion-dollars-tomorrow-fancypants-elitiist.... Sure, sure. Everybody knows that. But does he have sex tape where he takes a cell phone call or a...

Good organic food and hardly any maggots! That's the assessment of the uber-sustainable dude John Oliver spends time with for his half of the new "Red State/Blue State Report." At first we just thought it would be Oliver and...

Quote the official lady in the pink shirt, "The military doesn't do things halfway..." So if one homosexual reveals his or her gayness, all soldiers must follow suit? The only way to explain this is by using a metaphor for "...