By inviting reticent hipster beardy McDouche Joaquin Phoenix into his house.

That's not true, this kid is much more likable. And coherent.

Not as likable as Ted Williams frozen head in a tunafish can, but you know... Let's...

Would it shock you to learn that Jimmy Kimmel has a tangential connection to the mega-douche-of-the-moment Richard Heene? 

The it probably won't be a surprise that the link is some "actor" named Perry Caravello, who used to...