In one of the most generous charitable offerings ever made to a hospital, some philanthropist dropped off 200 human kidneys around 3 AM and didn't look for any thanks for the kind deed! In fact, the do-gooder is looking to...

The times are a changin', indeed. The FCC is responsible with deciding what is acceptable and unacceptable on radio and television, and their definition of "acceptable" has evolved significantly over the years. The latest...

In order to make the world a better place for all, certain measures MUST be taken to make the war in Iraq more environmentally friendly. Vietnam pioneered green mayhem, and hopefully, with the help of technology and...

Perpetual economic slavery suffered a revealing blow as the election riggers at Diebold accidentally leaked the results of the 2008 presidential election. The shadowy overlords of the world declined comment, but Diebold said...

This segment of "Critter Corner!" from the Onion News Networks' Today Now! investigates the fruit of 15 years of research on anteaters. The zoologist responsible for this stunning work is Dr. Franklin Kearns. The doctor's...

This year for Valentine's Day, The Onion News Network investigates the plight of all the sad women of the world trying desperately to find a mate. Though their chances are just as slim as in the brick-and-mortal world, online...

Super Bowl? Pooper Bowl! The Onion News Network's Sports Update cuts right to the issue sports fans are talking about: Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy, the star of Thai Sepak Takraw, should be be getting the damn ball! Hello?! He's the...

Whatever happened to the good old days when you didn't have to check your fast food burger for crack cocaine? Gangs have infiltrated every part of society, and one man is trying to put a stop to it. Indiana Congressman Porter...

"He said things would be better....but only if we make him our leader." The Onion News Network brings us the fantastic story of the mysterious traveler who arrived suddenly one recent day in Hastings, NY, surrounded by...

The Onion News Network reports on an exciting new line of kids’ clothing from the Gap: “For Kids By Kids.” This is synergy at its best: cheap child labor benefits the Gap’s bottom line, the kids come away with a sense of...