They do share that sordid past...

By the way, our contribution to the "Top Ten Surprises in the Sarah Palin Book" would be:

#1a.) She quit writing it halfway through, last 172 pages blank. 

That's 234 years of kicking ass, taking names and being the best that America's got. (No, we don't necessarily feel that way about all the armed forces.)

The Marines came to be in 1775 because we needed some tough mofos to...

Newly minted New York City superstar Meb Keflezighi brushed off those who say he isn't truly "one of us" (and neither are we, haters) to make a pit stop at Dave's house. He delivers the "Top Ten Thoughts That Go Through Your...

The New York Rangers drop by the Late Show to deliver the "Top Ten Things Never Spoken Before By A Hockey Player."

Anyone out there looking for a Puck Buddy? 

When some empty-headed Bra, from some show we've never seen, comes on our television and tells us how white our shirts should be if we want to be cool... 

We're cool not being cool while watching the old gap-toothed goofball.

"Honestly, I have no idea," David Letterman. 

You're too modest, Dave. Obama clearly enjoys your company more than the goons at the U.N. World Summit.

Vodka with Medvedev again? No thanks. Get the POTUS to the Ed Sullivan...

There's a delicious new treat at the Texas State Fair: Deep-fried butter.

In a related story, Texans attending the state fair are encouraged to carry their own defibrillators.  

By the way, this is the end of the world as we...

America's national punchline does it again. In West Palm Beach County, local Floridians are freaked out by the "Muck Monster." The enormous underwater creature is obviously evil because it won't come to surface.

To rehash, an...

Britney Spears checks in from her Circus tour to explain what she would do differently than President Obama. For starters, she would address the nation in a bikini. Let's not forget, this is a step up for President Spears.

If...

Sarah Palin's retirement hit us hard last weekend. Our sparklers were extinguished, our beer went flat, our Jell-O mold collapsed and we considered moving to Canada (up near the Yukon Territory, where we could see her from...

We didn't see the first Transformers, so we won't see the sequel. It would be too hard to keep up.

Say what you will about Michael Bay, but we're glad he's around.

He brings out the bitchy best in Roger Ebert.

You knew this was coming...

Not listed, the all-time number one excuse: "Sorry everyone, But umm, I have a penis."