Tracy flirts with a waiter, harming Larry's self-esteem.  Sure, Larry, the fanged lothario is sometimes Anti-Semitic, and a poor investor, but in his heart he's really a nice guy.  When he's not biting underaged girls.

Apply hot water bottles to your crotches, high school sweethearts.  Take notice of this couple's disintegrating relationship.  And it still applies to you, even though the guy is a vampire.

Just accept it.  Date a vampire, you must allow the occasional "spider-bite."  Also, don't get attached to your cats.

A time-traveler tells one woman that only she can save the future.  How?  With lotion, massage oil, and a lot of patience.