It's bad enough we have a failing global economy.  Now the government is announcing that all dollars bills are to become poisonous at precisely noon today!  We need to act fast, folks!

Some salesman are so good at what they do it actually kills them.  Crazy Freddy is one of these types, who has so much money, he's offering financing on dollar bills.  How does this make him any money?  Don't ask, just take...

Someone tell Ed McMahon—his spare change could actually be worth money!

We're not sure how this fake commercial for the future nationalized Citibank portrays anything different from the norm; the line at certain banks is already like the DMV. We're looking at you, Shmank of Shmamerica.