Could you take your eyes off the hot soccer chicks fighting for one second and take a look at the living breathing boozing piece of irony that is a guy who gets a DUI while dressed as a breathalyzer? 

We thought you'd like...

At the London Zoo, man-deprived female gorillas were given a hunky beefcake photo of the French mate that's cumming coming to save the day. Proving that Darwin was right, but that it's a whole lot more fun with opposable...

Sometimes, things don't go your way. Take for instance when a mascot gives you a piggyback ride and you both go down in heap like Mary Decker Slaney and Zola Budd at the '84 Olympics.

On the other hand, sometimes the farmer...

A dude in Wisconsin built a giant ramp in the gravel pit he owns where folks use remote controls to launch their vehicles into the air and have them come crashing down into a thunder pit of destruction.

Sometimes this country...

A brave snake handler in Florida bravely snatched up a Burmese python slithering around yards from a day care...

You Have to be Kaa-ding Us!

Snakey McFakey (aka John Laroche wannabe) you leave us no choice but to use the...

Colbert is no friend of lefty yakker Keith Olbermann. In fact, he will give a "stroke job" or a "junk buffing" or even a "taint tango" to anyone who can ensure Colbert will be named "Worst...Person...in the Worrrrllllddddd....

Upside the head, you filthy animals. First off, get your minds out of the gutter. Second, yuch. Double yuch. Triple yuch. We rather watch Letterman in a gay porn that see Paul "hoisting the Canadian flag."

In other testicular...

Bubbles was visited by three ghosts.

The ghost of Jackson 5ive cartoons past.

The ghost of the Elephant Man's remains present.

The ghost of The Wiz yet to come...

In the Philippines, an annual parade is held where locals dress up roasted pigs in costume. (No, that's not a joke.) This year's delicious theme? Swine flu!

Enjoy your hot dogs this weekend, Kobayashi.

What was the squirrel doing hidden in some Ohio woman's cleavage?

Just trying to get a nut.