We don't want to Brazilian wax poetically on what it means for Rio to get the games, other than to say, the first South American Olympic hosts should let its lady garden flower. 

Everybody samba!

Savvy investors know that they hot way to get paid these days is through high-frequency trading. Anyone can do it, provided you are a numbers savant and/or a supercomputer. 

It ain't insider trading if it's done by machines!...

That's The Daily Show's pet name for the United Nations, which goes batsh*t crazy every year about this time. The usual wack job, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, rambled on long enough to watch delegates flee, but not long enough to say...

Weed? Slave-whipping Wii games? Naps? John Oliver's penis?

We wouldn't think any of these things would be a distraction in The Daily Show offices. That would imply the correspondents are at work.

Please, we're begging you....

Single-payer death panel? Universal death panels? Privately funded death panels? Hybrid public-private death panels? Shamanistic Kenyan voodoo curses on demand?

We think the hollow punditry "discussions" about the hugely...

Single payer Canada-style? Nope. They perform surgery at the post office.

Doctors as government employees a la England? Uh-uh. They think the heart is shaped like the one doodled on pre-teen notebooks, and think a man's...

We go to the beaches of Long Island in the summer, so we've spent enough time around the fine people to our East...

Good f*cking riddance!

That's how Strong Island do!

Stewart & Co. were off this week, but they left behind a little web video to tide us over.

So, how would the cast survive a total economic and soclai collapse?

By either doing what they do now, nothing. (And getting paid for...

Not literally, you sickos. She tortures him figuratively by making him go to work with her, listen to intricate details of electrodes and testicles, and then waterboarding his teddy bear.

Track would rather be at school with...