A historical committee has put together a "living exhibit" of the ancient method Americans first used to watch movies after they left the theatres.  Known as "renting", the process included traveling miles to find the store,...

Tanya Sharely went missing as a young girl 4 years ago, and her mother is on The Onion News Network's Today Now! to hopefully be reunited with her missing daughter.  Age-progression technology has made it possible to predict...

Old Uncle John came out with a campaign promise that shows the true guts behind this grizzled old war veteran.  In a move that will cut government spending by billions, McCain vowed to replace the entire Secret Service with...

A tragic helium leak in the International Space Station left astronauts suffocating to death with creepily shrieking voices.  Unfortunately the command center was unable to aid the brave men.  Such a dignified departure has...

Every hockey player dreams of one day escaping the NHL and moving to the big leagues to play in a real professional sport.  That dream came true for Washington Capitals' star Alexander Oveshkin, who got drafted this week from...

As the death toll in Iraq rises at an alarming rate, many families are left looking to their country to honor their fallen loved ones. In this Onion News Network clip, Home Depot apparently feels it is most appropriate to...

The remaining 20 percent don't seem to remember what happened. The Journal of Roommate Research conducted a study that concluded that almost 80 percent of all roommate responses the following morning include some form of "I...

Four young, attractive hikers have been stuck up on the mountain for days. At this point, we can only imagine the awesome story they are playing a key role in developing. As the conditions for their rescue become more dire,...

A high ranking Al-Qaeda operative and the author of a recent book, "The Truth About September 11th," go toe to toe on the Onion News Network over long-simmering theories that the US government was behind the 911 attacks. An...

"If pollution destroys a river, we will build a new river. If pollution destroys a mountain, we will build a new mountain." These are the words of an ambassador joyful for his country's ranking as the number one polluter in...

The third annual "Bring Your Daughter to War Day" was a great success, bringing young girls across the ocean to the streets of Iraq, where they got to witness first-hand the work their mothers and fathers do. As the Onion...

In keeping with the traditional procedure, the US Congress passed around a bag of chips at a recent hearing about the progress of the current war. Snack foods have long been used as a distraction from otherwise nasty...