The always-accurate Onion News Network takes an in-depth look at a Domino's study that monitored exactly how eager people are to abuse their guts. Putting one pizza upside-down on top of another indeed creates an abomination...

A true American, White House press secretary Theodore Barrett withstood the pressure from America's news media to divulge details of his wife's death and the crippling of his children and instead kept to his talking points at...

The third annual "Bring Your Daughter to War Day" was a great success, bringing young girls across the ocean to the streets of Iraq, where they got to witness first-hand the work their mothers and fathers do. As the Onion...

An edgy report from the Onion News Network. The only group as impatient than the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation to see the new Freedom Tower constructed at Ground Zero in NYC? Al Qaeda.

On the Onion News Network’s hard-hitting talk show, In The Know, the panelists discuss an issue of vital national security interest: now that we’ve captured and killed hundreds of terrorists, how do we protect ourselves...

Breaking news from the Onion News Network: To the battlefield over the abortion issue comes a new bill in Congress that would require any woman seeking one to obtain written permission from... her fetus. After watching this,...

The Onion News Network’s hard-hitting talk show “In the Know” tackles a pressing question: are America’s high school seniors prepared for the rigors of college-level drinking? Panelists share their views… and their own hard-...

From the Onion News Network: At long last, Paul Newman receives his just due: a lifetime achievement award from Amnesty International in recognition of his contributions to salad dressings over the years. And we thought he...

In the latest “In the Know” on the Onion News Network, the panel tackles the compelling and inscrutable question: Do you remember life before the Segway? Tough one, isn’t it? Julianna McKannis sits in as host, as Clifford...

From the Onion News Network: a new study out of UCLA finds that a shocking 70 percent of all praise is sarcastic. What to watch out for: phrases like “Smooth Move,” or “Nice One, Einstein” accompanied by eye-rolling or slow...

Only kidding! But you know that, microphones off, left to their own devices, this is the kind of enlightened discourse that some of our favorite TV pundits would be quite casual about spewing. Sort of a meta question: does...

In the first installment of the TV version of the Onion's long-running "Viewer Voices" section, anchor Brandon Armstrong responds personally to several viewer questions on the air. We love his direct approach to annoying...