Whatever Mr. T is endorsing, we're buying.

Not because we fear pain, but because we show love. 

Pitied fools, step aside. 

Yes, it turns out that back in 1978, he was. Mr. T -- long before he was Mr. T -- got started in the entertainment business by threatening to beat the living hell out of anyone who got near Leon Spinks, who at the time was...

Well, now they've gone and done it. Surely Harry Caray could have put up with almost anyone else crooning "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in his epic Wrigley Field, but Mr. T of A-Team and ridiculous jewelry fame? That's hard...

We pity the fools who don't enjoy this old favorite of Conan and Mr. T. shaking the trees for some Golden Delicious goodness. 

Sorry, maybe it's time for us to call it quits as well. 

Miley showed up to the premiere of "Bolt" with a bad flu. The effort was worth it: Mr T was at the premiere too, with lots of guttural praise for the junior Cyrus. Flu, nothing. We'd drag our legless, armless corpse across...

No joke, this is an actual product. Mr. T pulls a George Foreman and now he's an outerspace appliance salesman. Speaking of "life changing," the first thing we'll cook is our old A-Team action figures.  

Yes, Mr. T is crazy. He hates power walking, pities the fool who does it, shoots ping pong balls at him, and collects his paycheck. There are definitely worse ways to make a living twenty years after your prime.

YouTuber FiveSecondMovies is truly a star of web video's short attention span, and we can't think of a better subject for this treatment than Sly Stallone's repetitive epics. Sure, this one runs a little closer to 10 seconds...

Proving that humor is always a possibility with a mohawk and a meancing voice, Mr. T, in a spot for Snickers, tells a weenie soccer player to shape up or meet his friend ... Mr. Pain. Absolute smile.

I have no idea who the correspondents are in this Tonight Show clip: Live from Lake Havasu. But it's got girls in bikinis, liquid panty removers and an Archie Bunker impression.