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Going Rogue is Going Rogue

Patrick Sauer — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 EST

The mega-bestseller from Sarah Palin has a mind of its own. It doesn't play by your conventional rules, it does what it thinks is best for the country, at least the part where igloos be. Going Rogue isn't afraid to take out a wolf from a helicopter, so you think she's scared of an eggheaded lefty MSNBC lesbian?

The question is, will Going Rogue stand up to the roguiest-goer of them all?

Watch your ass, Palin. You never know when your own words will come back to bite you in it.

Sarah Palin: Rogue Warrior

Patrick Sauer — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 EST

You know why you can't stand the sight of her, right?

Because you're an elitist who can't handle a real American who kills stuff with her bare hands in her God-fearing state of Alaska.

If you find her unlikable because she speaks in shallow conservative boilerplate and doesn't seem to have any goals outside of expanding brand Palin, then you're just a pointy-headed liberal without five kids who hates this country.

(Sigh.) It'll never end.

Memo to Bernie Goldberg on behalf of all liberals with special needs children,

Rot in hell you cruel small pathetic motherf*cker.

Facts Are Out to Get Sarah Palin

Patrick Sauer — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 EST

So far, our favorite moment of the Going Rogue media blitz was when Palin labeled the AP "opposition research" on her Facebook page. And what exactly is the AP guilty of? Fact-checking her work.

What else do you expect from a journalistic cooperative founded in 1846 to share wire reports and ensure the highest standards? Sure sounds like a fruity socialist outfit. Real Americans make their own rules, they don't cooperate.

(Ed note: We're with Colbert. Clearly, everyone is against Palin, so nothing is her fault. No other way to explain the rumored $5-million book advance.)

Will Fey Go Rogue For Old Time's Sake?

Patrick Sauer — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 EST

Yes, we're hoping upon hoping what you're hoping too. But we don't want to jinx it. We'll simply tune into Saturday Night Live in the hopes that a certain bespectacled TV-comedy-writerly sexpot morphs into another certain bespectacled momoir-comedy-writerly sexpot.

We're not saying who we're talking about. But we sure do miss us some Liz Lemon live, so let's go back in time to campaign 2008, you bet'cha!

Kids Love Going Rogue

Patrick Sauer — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 EST

We hear you loud and clear, little bookworms.

We'd much rather drive a sword into our hearts and jump into a volcano filled with sharks than read Palin's memoir too.

The One Honest Interview Palin Gave

Patrick Sauer — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 EST

It was on Oprah...sort of.

Palin's a quitter who loves unprotected sex.

Huh. Maybe she is a real American after all.

You Knew Dave Wouldn't Waste Going Rogue

Patrick Sauer — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 EST

They do share that sordid past...

By the way, our contribution to the "Top Ten Surprises in the Sarah Palin Book" would be:

#1a.) She quit writing it halfway through, last 172 pages blank.