Trend-spotter Craig Ferguson tells us that the Center for Disease Control is reporting a decline in the amount of people who don't wash their hands after using the toilet. And wait until you hear how they figured it out! Even...

Quackers: The Crap-Eating Duck is so hot he's got his own action movie! Now Conan can say "I knew him when he only ate poop on TV". What's next? Quackers: To Catch a Predator?

Craig's news of the world's top headline is that Russia has announced a National Procreation Day. If this country's rockin', don't go a'knockin'! In other news, The Golden Girls, er, Led Zeppelin, reunites and Craig loves...

Conan's resident graphics artist and all-around geek, Pierre Bernard goes from whining about the fish sticks at the Dragon-Con to hawking chicken wings for the Sherwood Inn in Garnett, Kansas. Pierre Bernard: Super-Hero! By...

D-List actor Ed Begley Jr., forces Stephen Colbert to admit global warming is real. Since "An Inconvenient Truth" made money, it must be! Ed tells us about his new role as the hamster in all those hamster-powered appliances.

Senator/actor Fred Thompson throws his scalp, er, hat into the ring in the race to become the next corporate hand puppet, er, POTUS. In his Web speech, Thompson manages to come across as stiff and scary as a mummy, or a...

Dr. Phil stops by the "Late Show" to weigh in on the Britney Spears VMA meltdown, but the conversation quickly turns to Dave's obsession with pictures of her exposed pudenda. Dave also becomes enamored of the word "panties,"...

The Answer Bitch, Leslie Gornstein, who dresses like Mary Katherine Gallagher is ga-ga for "My Name is Earl's" Jason Lee. But has Jason traded his street cred for kiddie fare? If "Underdog" wasn't enough for you, how about "...

Britney Spears seems determined to make a comeback at the Video Music Awards. "The Soup's" host Joel McHale takes a humorous look at what her ensuing tour might be like. And just in case you need to bone up (heh! heh!) on...

Keith Olbermann is by no means a supporter of George W. Bush, but he's no kneejerk liberal either. He doesn't unleash his "Special Comment" often, but when he does it's always a well-crafted, thought-provoking piece of our...

Craig reveals why his audience is always laughing so hard: It's his computer-generated pants. Be forewarned, that's just a friendly warm-up. Ferguson spins a sinister storytelling web explaining why our time is up: UFO...

Get your mind out of the gutter and check out the lung power on this vintage episode of Stupid Human Tricks. This amazing young woman can suck and blow at the same time. Now we're back in the gutter again!

Conan and Jeff Goldblum truly see eye-to-eye as the Fly demonstrates why he's such a ladies's man. He really digs eye contact. Literally! But you still don't go you-know-where-to-mouth.

Sure, we all know Jon Stewart is funnier than a parachute that opens on impact, but it's his ability to go from Groucho Marx to Charlie Rose in under 5 seconds that often gets overlooked. He shows why he's the best of both...

It was five years ago this week that Vice President and toxic gas bag Dick Cheney declared war on Iraq (isn't that the job of Congress?), and a nation crapped it's pants. Dick must be a Gwen Stefani fan because he keeps...